36 Questions to Deepen Your Relationships
Plus, The Moment I First Fell in Love
How did love find you? Did it unfold gradually, or did it strike suddenly, like a bolt from the blue?
I remember falling over the ledge of love for the first time nearly 25 years ago.
It happened on an unusually warm March day during my Sophomore year of High School. My best friend and I were walking to my car at the end of the school day. The sun was bright, so my head was down while gabbing as teenage girls do when I looked up and saw him.
His high school was 20 minutes away, yet there he was. My boyfriend was perched on the hood of my crossover SUV. He was all sixteen-year-old swagger—feet propped up on the front bumper, a dozen bright daisies in his hands, and a wide grin that seemed to catch the sun itself.
My heart took flight.
My brain short-circuited.
My mouth struggled to find words.
As the multitudes descended upon the parking lot, it seemed he did not care that the entire student body saw this *very* public display of affection.
I learned his sole intention was to see me before the weekend. He didn’t want to wait, so he didn’t. Instead, he showed up at my school and surprised me with flowers.
A bold move for a 16-year-old boy.
He couldn’t stay because he had to return to his school for Track practice.
I couldn’t wait until I saw him next.
Eight years later, I married the boy who waited on the hood of my car with daisies.
Looking back on that moment, I realize how much that spontaneous act of love shaped our relationship. Over the years, we’ve worked to keep love alive through vulnerable conversations and shared moments.
It’s still surprising that there is more to learn after 25 years of knowing each other.
I was struck by the 36 questions developed by psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron. These questions build intimacy by prompting us to open up to each other, even those of us in long-term relationships. And though I’ve known my husband since we were 16, I was surprised by how many of these questions we’ve never explored.
I recently stumbled across these questions after listening to this episode of the Modern Love podcast. I’m always glad to have questions like this to discuss something other than the children. I hope you find them enlightening.
I’d love to hear your favorite love stories in the comments. I'm here for it, whether it’s your personal experience, a book, a Substack article, or a podcast.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
With Kindness,
Kristin
P.S. The First Quality of Love.
Thank you for this kindness, @Adsum Try Ravenhill!